The refugee

A day off work which I spent partly in Hanley researching Ruth Schmerler the victim in the 1944 unsolved Cheadle murder. The Sentinel of 30^th September 1944 had lots of detail including a photograph of a very attractive young dark haired woman. She left Poland in 1939 and went to live with a Children’s Home for Jewish children in Manchester. She had a brother called Kurt who was working as an optician’s assistant in Manchester. She was a Land Army girl in 1944 working gathering the fruit crop in Worcestershire. A lorry driver gave her lift to the outskirt of Birmingham where a British soldier gave her a lift. Her body was discovered at a quarry at Counslow near Cheadle. Her suitcase was discovered at Shap Fell 140 miles away. The local police took the matter very seriously and in the search for the first time mine dictators were used in the search of the weapon. She seemed to be very popular. Anyway I will have more information forth coming from Hanley Library.

I had a chat with Fred Hughes in Café Nero in Hanley wide raging and enjoyable as ever. A man walked in who I recognise. It was Hendrik Staut who I knew from Johnson and Slater in the early 70s. It was a pottery that made shower trays amongst other things. We reminisced about  people long dead. Tom Wilding the middle aged accountant who spent every holiday in the Northern Isles. Mike Hall the salesman who thought that the South Africans were misunderstood- it was the Apartheid era. The owner Mr Mayland who had an interesting war and was one of the first British Officers in Vienna. His son Master John as we had to call him educated at Stowe who wore a cravat, trilby and carnation. The production manager who we could not name but was Jewish and also wore a carnation. John Walley the first gay I ever met who did rather strange things with a carrot one lunch time. Dave Farn who I still keep in contact and Bob Gibbs who knew someone who Kubrick recruited to blow perfect smoke rings which were used in 2001 and Terry O’Donnell who I had a strong influence on me. I can see him now a Londoner he always smoked Hamlet cigars and was a real Renaissance man. He loved reading and music- Beethoven was a hero. He was a Socialist. Those chats we had were the equivalent of an Oxford tutorial. I gather he died a few years ago.

Another Renaissance man is Charley who bought me another coffee in the Foxlowe. I was telling him about the Ruth Schmerler. A keen Mathematician Charley was telling me about the God equation which set me up nicely to sit in Phoebe’s Maths class. The adults did a Level 3 multiplication test. I did my 25 questions and got them all correct in 2.12. Cannot beat learning your tables by rote 

A little of what you fancy does you good

For some reason Marie Lloyd popped into my head as a customer was telling me about her favourite chocolate- a guilty pleasure. “A little of what you fancy does you good”

Talking about “Strictly Come Dancing” which both Cathy and Phoebe liked. I was asked who I thought would win. I plucked a name out of the air and said “Sophie”. The couple did not watch “X Factor” and neither do I “It’s like watching the inmates of Bedlam”

The Farmer and I had a laugh about the “Daily Express” and its absurd headlines this one was on the weather. High winds are about to hit the country apparently. Its either weather, Lady Di , ailments or immigrants. The trick will be to combine all elements in one headlines. She used to take the Guardian and reminisced about some of the great writers of the past like Norman Shrapnel, Terry Coleman and Alistair Cook. Its not so good now too many North London types write for it. I could not disagree. A Guardian reading Farmer eh I wonder if there are any Telegraph reading social workers?

Talk to Australian woman about how shopping and especially variety of vegetables have changed since the 70s. I recall the first courgettes and aubergines being sold to bemused customers at that time. The other anecdote I can remember is someone at University telling me that aubergines made his dog a Boxer to fart

Dexy Midnight Runners are giving it sum as “ Geno” is belting out at the store. Reminded me of the Top rank in Hanley and a misplaced youth  We talked about the recent documentary on Northern Soul and what a good job that Paul Mason did but he is a Wiganer.

Woman who farms in Dovedale was telling me of the difficulty that locals have in buying houses even with the “ Local buy” policy. The last two bedroom in Ilam went for over 200k. Not surprising when social housing was decimated by the right to buy policy. People living on low wages in the Peak are in a dilemma 

Les Garcons de la Plage

Lot of news comment about waste and the amount of food dumped. Tesco say 30,000 tons of food is dumped into landfill. I am sure the situation will worsen as we approach Xmas. Shameful given all the want in the world.

I am better informed about Oregon by my Canadian friend Gary who tells me that the State Capital is Eugene and not Portland as I thought, I think we had a dispute with the Americans over the 48^th Parallel in the 1840s. Big Foot is the only other thing I know about Oregon.

I am able to try out my newly acquired knowledge that Simeon the First was voted the 4^th most famous Bulgarian with a Bulgarian shopper. For the sake of diplomacy I did not mention Boris the Bulgar slayer.

Rather forceful opinions expressed by shopper at the American rebels on 1776 as revolting against their anointed king and by rights they should have been hanged. A bit harsh on Ben Franklin and Thomas Jefferson and unforgiving given that its over 200 years ago

Never fall out with some one with pottery skills. I recall how a mediation problem with family in N Staffs. A rather bumptious man with Fox Terrier fell out with young couple. The woman was a potter and did a figure of the man complete with cap and pipe and one of the dog with its head buried in the groin of their snotty neighbour.

They are playing “ help me Ronda” or should that be help me Rhondda y Les Garcons de la Plages over the sound system.

Lithuanians and Latts do it

I always bridle at people who say that I look bored. I am never bored because I can use my imagination. Bloke came up to the till and said that to me. I don’t think there is any malice involved. Anyway I say “Actually I am in Bermuda on the beach enjoying a pina colada would you like to join me” He laughs. Works every time.

Nice chat about birding with woman. Migration time and she has seen lots of birds arriving  ( Perhaps best not to tell the Tories ). I used to do some voluntary work with the RSPB at Titchwell on the Norfolk coast. There is a technique for counting the mass numbers of waders which I have forgotten. Still there was the Italian I worked with nice lad but a little mad who mistook a black bin liner for a rare bird. He also fell into the marsh and before he sank was careful to throw his fags onto a dry bank. He had his priorities

We were selling Port by the box. I feel it should have the warning “could cause gout” on the package.

Man who has a son in his 30s who is living with his parents. The father complained that he was getting up late and  from what he had to say his son behaves like a teenager, he is noisy. The son cannot afford to get on the property ladder. It must be a trial for all concerned. The older man did not look very happy.

The Latvian who I have struck up something of a friendship. She is a Russian from somewhere in the Urals and moved to the Baltic State when she was young. The Russian she says are having it difficult since independence from the majority Lats.

Woman complaining about the latest price hike in energy costs. I sometimes feel that we should take a leaf out of how people in the 18^th century with the Food Riot. There was a particularly intense one in the 1760s in and around Burslem. It usually worked as bread prices were regulated following such incidents. Hobsbawm the Marxist Historian used to refer to these as examples of “collective bargaining by riot” better than wearing a jumper methinks

Mrs Slocombe and Captain Peacock

Talking to a shopper about the need for a National Rationalist Day just to counter Halloween. I think it would be a good idea

The woman gave me £120 for her shopping. I asked her whether she wanted it on the black. It was an attempt at a joke that foundered

Spoke to woman about Academies in Stoke. She had no issues about it although the same company are running another school in the City. We chatted about the new Shadow Education Secretary. The woman was not impressed at the wobble that he has shown over Free Schools.

I wonder why the shape of Mateus bottles?. I recall having to draw the shape of the bottle for an art class. Given my daughters current issues with the school, I reflect on the cynical so and so Art teacher at Carmount  Richardson who screwed up my drawing when I was 11 and threw into a bin to the amusement of the other kids. Fortunately the buffoon did not destroy my interest in Art

I witnessed a domestic tiff in front of my till. There is some muttering and hissed comment over alleged unwarranted purchases in this case washing capsules. I was with the man as the woman seemed to be in advanced faffing mode I recall a similar annoyance between a couple in Northallerton one New Years Eve in the 90s at a B and B. The woman I was with thought that they looked like Mrs Slocombe and Captain Peacock.

I mention a relative who had been stung and someone had helped themselves to the account in West Africa. The woman I had spoke had something similar happen to her father whose account was accessed by people in Albania.

I mention to a woman the story I intend to write about the young Polish Jewish woman who was found murdered near Cheadle in 1944. The murder was unsolved. The shopper thought it an interesting and worthy project

 Man buys a lot of water-16 flagons of the stuff. It’s a long story but it’s about a borehole at a new house in the hills that has not been passed fit for human consumption and there are guests expected over the weekend.

A moments silence for Danny Kaye

I was chatting about “ Annie Get Your Gun”. ( An elderly customer was drooling over Betty Hutton). I told him that the Buffalo Bill Wild West with Annie Oakley came to North Staffs at least 3 times. My grandfather probably saw it in April 1904.

 Middle aged Man with cravat and those glasses on a cord- I knew he would trouble. He did not talk but just shook his head. He made grab for an item and me in my best RSM voice said “ Wait for it”. It had a good effect- he recoiled

We began recalling all those songs that used to be on “Family Favourites” such as “Nellie the Elephant”, “Ugly Duckling”, “Right said Fred” “ My Brother” with Terry Scott. I felt that we could do with a community sing song of “ The King is in the all together”. I feel a moments silence for Danny Kaye is called for

Spoke to ex Para. He was in the 6^th Army in the War and was in the same  places as was my Father, Caen, Ardennes and the Rhine Crossing. I think Lt General Sir brian Horrocks was the commanding officer.

Man shopper works in the on line betting industry. The China market is big, “The Chinese will bet on two spiders climbing a wall”

Mentioned Sgt Bilko and the episode where Lady Luck has smiled on him and he does not realise it until the last moments of the day. He tries to place a bet on a horse in Australia. Easier now with on line betting.

Man buys 24 tins of mushy peas. Looks like a wet and windy night tonight

Basil the Bulgar Slayer

It is raining hard and the shopper is relaxed about it. He has a East Anglian accent I wonder if he is from Norfolk and has webbed feet.

Proof of age quandary. Woman I ask for P of A. She is 31. The point is that you are supposed to ask if the person looks 25 and she does. She is OK about and I gather a man in his 50s was asked proof of age. He was a very young looking Black Guy

Had a good chat with bloke about fitness . I do about 4 miles on the treader in 40 minutes. I get the speed up to about 6.4 miles an hour and the heart rate up to about 120. Sweat pours off me and I can read my kindle about such characters Boris the Bulgar Slayer and Constantine Coproautomyms and listen to whatever takes my fancy. Tamla Motown today I recover very well and the regime has meant a loss weight of about 1 stone 4 pounds. The man thinks the recovery rate impressive.

Talk about new crime writers with woman shopper. I used to like crime fiction so I asked her to recommend some writers. She mentioned a woman writer whose name I have since forgotten who writes about Boston and Peter James who writes novels set in Brighton

Woman complaining that her partner had ran off and had left her to do the packing. I thought that desertion in front of the enemy was a court martial offence. A local Councillor was next and heard this. I told him I hope Douglas Haig does not get to know.

Heather who I used to work with and lives on a boat. I admire her woodland badge. We talk about the naming of local rivers I have written about. The Hamps is a particularly good example.

I am finished and its over my time and I am cleaning off the belt. I notice a Middle Eastern woman struggling with a baby in a sling and her shopping. I gesture her offer and Marie and I help her through while she adjusts her sling. So much for poor service at this supermarket and Confusion to our enemies 

Fenton- the place for unbleached tripe

Fenton is the place for unbleached tripe so says a shopper waxing about the best tripe shop in Texas sorry I mean Fenton

Woman used to run off from blind dates if they were not acceptable. She used to wait outside a cinema in Manchester- this was in the 60s and leg if the blind date was not decent enough. I suggest that the 39 Steps might be a good film to run away to.

Woman breaks eggs and then proceeds a number of egg related puns such as eggstragant and eggsteme and when he card does not work I say that the Science is ineggxact.

John waxes lyrically about the Communist Run municipality of Bologna. Lots of art galleries, public ways and open spaces. Sounded good.

Woman still recalls my experience on Mastermind which is 3 years ago. Her late husband was proud that a Leekite had done so well.

Spoken warmly about Southwold and I encourages the woman to visit there if her husband likes Adnams beer.

Woman buys large salmon and I ask if she has a Bear as a pet. I don’t think she hears me

Community Arts development worker or was one. There are few jobs in that area although there are few jobs locally period

Talk to Richard about the nonsense I had heard about the Richard III Society and the “ White Boar” emblem being banned because Muslims in Leicester would be upset. It seems be the case. I am told that they can be somewhat zealous in their passion. I still think Dicky Plantagenet should be buried with Catholic Rites and not some multi cultural business. The irony of him being buried by a church, to use Brendan Behan’s phrase, founded on the bollox of the son of the man who beat him at Bosworth Field is rich.

Polish woman is slow in paying and the next woman complains that Poles are too laid back. I have never heard that before.

A football conversation following England’s World Cup entry success. The Everton player Barclay ought to be included.

"If we shadows have offended"

People buying a lot of Halloween merchandise. I was talking to a couple about the end of Summer Celtic Festival and whether the need for fire to try to bring back summer is just part of the human condition. Mind you like the Mother in “Oranges aren’t the only fruit” I believe there is a lot of paganism in the Cheadle Hulme area

Chatted to a woman about Bomber Command the husband had a badge of a Lancaster Bomber on his jacket. Her uncle still around in his 90s was shot down in a Lancaster and crashed in the English Channel. His two mates who were also shot down were later killed in 1947 on the Grind on Food drop crash in the appalling winter of that year. The man put his survival to wearing a Mae West jacket. The next customer also had a relative in Bomber Command who was shot down over France and was hidden by a French farmer who passed the man off as a relative from Canada. The man who was from Endon fortunately spoke fluent French.

I spoke to two workers from Sainsburys which is what I like to do when I am in another store. Both men were friendly although the one who worked at Hanley said that that store was going through tough times and there was a threat of redundancies. So much for building a sound economy on retail in Hanley. I could also point out trying to build a sound economy by growing use of “ zero hours “ contracts which both the City and Health Authority are using is not going to work either. I don’t think that Mr JVDL “shining city on a hill” future for Stoke has much of a hope unless I have misread the situation

We talk about the gathering gloom. I say cheerful to the woman shopper that after 21^st December- St Lucy’s Day- it starts to get brighter. There is a Nocturne by John Donne on the shortest day of the year “Hydroptique balm has shrunk”, I think it starts. I like the Metaphysics but they are not easy to understand

Talk of poetry leads me to ask man shopper if he recalls any at school. He did “Midsummer Nights Dream and I do the bit at the end “ If we shadows have offended, think but this and all be mended, that you have but slumbered here whilst these visions did appear”. I often do that at the till slumber that is

Lord Byron's mate

Woman appears at the till with a” buy one get one free” sticker stuck to her back. Since when have we been involved in Slavery? As there are no cotton field or sugar plantations in ST13 I don’t know what we will do with them

Man with beard, very big bushy beard buys 5 loaves. “Where are the fish”. He does not pick up on it and says he buys fish on Fridays.

Man still mourning the Leek roadabout and cursing the Council. Apparently he played a lament on the bag pipes while standing on the roundabout. Told him he ought to stand for Election if he feels so strongly about it. There are not enough characters in Leek

Man buys Plastic skull made out like a cup. Not as good as Lord Byron using his mate’s skull as a drinking vessel. Now that is gothic. Mind you Byron was from Nottinghamshire and was mad, bad and dangerous to know, so they say. That’s Nottinghamshire people for you although not as strange as people from Lincolnshire.

Man says he will do his own packing. He enjoys his packing and derives pleasure from it. It takes all sorts I suppose. I ask him does he go down to the laundrette and get satisfaction from watching the washing go around.

Person buys a lot of Nut and Berries either he is a hunter gatherer or he is making a lot of cakes.

Dave Allen as Vicar Sketch

Man wearing Duffle Coat. Its ages since I have seen someone in a duffle coat which he got on E bay. It was the sort of Duffle coat that Jack Hawkins wore in Cruel Sea. The young man lacked a lantern jaw though. I wonder if he found a pipe in the pocket?

We seem to selling plastic samurai swords. No doubt is sales do not meet the target then staff will commit Seppku

I did a vox pop exercise on the Saturday Sentinel and the lack of value. It’s only two years since they had the launch and put the price up to 60p with supplements. The supplements have gone and its still 60p. I chatted to about a dozen people all them felt that they had been ripped off and they bought the paper out of thinly stretched loyalty.. One woman compared the P and T favourably in comparison “ more local and better written”

Woman going to Silver Wedding celebration, 70^th and 18^th birthday celebrations as well as engagement all on one day. I feel that such a portmanteau approach to family events would not work with a funeral. It did remind of the Dave Allen sketch where a Vicar marries an elderly man and a heavily pregnant woman. The man dies and the woman gives birth.

Woman tells me that the Fieldfares have arrived at Ipstones. Autumn is here

Man tells me that he has seen AC/DC at Trentham Gardens when a light fell off a balcony nearly hitting him. Curiously enough I was told a few days ago of a similar incident that happened at a Yes gig at the same venue in the 70s. There must be a Phantom of the Opera operating at TG

One of my favourite blokes a Scot came past. We always have a good laugh. We spoke about the British Empire and the hardship of the British standing up to natives armed with vicious guava fruit when they had only highly explosive shells and machine guns. Black adder came into the conversation esp the line about Field Marshal Haig moving his drinks cabinet 6 inches closer to Berlin  as a consequence of the Somme Offensive.

I am getting people through the till at an average of 7 minutes which coincidently was the time that hangman Pierrepoint took to dispatch his clients

Grasshopper

We discuss the state of pottery as I scan something that is certainly not made in the Potteries. The customer used to work for Wedgwoods.  It is only 100 years just over that FW Woolworth negotiated a contract with a potbank for all the pottery sold in Woolworth’s stores to come from Stoke. Even in the 70s there were 200 potbanks and now its down to about 30. It used to employ about 75,000 people and now its under 8,000

My work colleague is having difficulty finding his way around the till. I call him “Grasshopper” and he enjoys the joke

Woman wearing Newcastle United top but from her accent she is no Geordie. After we finish I call her “ hinny” but I was right she is flying under false colours

Woman has a MA in health economics which leads to a chat dimly recalled about QALYS and Oregon. Funny how all these things flood back. We agreed that the NHS just re-invents things every 10 years.

I am speedy on the till- I always am- but I stop to let the shopper catch up.” I am under instruction to scan 22 items a minute- it’s a bit like the Brigade of Guards at Mons. The scanning is so rapid the sound could be mistaken for machine gun fire I tell startled shopper.

My spirits are raised when woman calls the P and T articles “ brilliant”

The snot green, scrotum tightening Irish Sea

Spirits rose when chatted at the till with an English student who was a great Joyce fan. She is wading through “ Ulysses” at the moment and enjoying it. I told her the anecdote that is in the Richard Ellmann biography of a literary soiree where a devoted Canadian fan approaches Joyce and says” Can I kiss the hand that wrote Ulysses?” To which Joyce rapidly withdrawing hand said “No, it’s done other things as well. I chatted about “Portrait of an artist” which was my first introduction and mentioned the description of the Irish Sea as “snot green and scrotum tightening”

Soon after there was woman enthusing about Jerez and the whole Andalusia thing. With Phoebe’s doing Spanish it’s a destination I would like to make.

Woman says that I am going too fast. I pause and say whether she wants me to go at 33 rather than 45 rpm

“Only decent man to get into Parliament” says man about Guy Fawkes and claims to be an anarchist. He still buys a lot so perhaps the  anti consumerism element may have passed him by. I tried him with a bit of Proudhon

Cheerful man from Hanley. He says someone has to come from Hanley. He likes the ambience of Leek

Woman wearing Lawn Tennis Association top . I have tried the game once or twice as I have with hockey when a friend doing teaching practice taught it to people who have never played the game. I was a natural at it as I was with croquet which again I have only played once. Good hand to eye coordination- we all have it

Billy Liar

Man says can I help with paying his bill. He jokes. I suggest income generation like armed robbery. He says that he will go away and think about it

Regular who refs Boxing matches says he has a fight and hopes to talk to Tyson Fury over the weekend. I'm impressed. He is very knowledgeable about the noble art

Eton Mess is scanned which is a good description of the present regime

Eric Morecambe moment. Man forgets his ginger nuts and a woman says that she wants his nuts. “ No answer to that”

Great story from old Scottish nurse. Aristo relative " Has Jim reached his expiry date?" on Uncle just holding on. Still alive “Blast" she said. She was hoping that he had died.

A black pudding discussion. I mention the Frank Skinner joke about pulling a chord in them and out stepping a Goth

Man did not have too much time for Essex. He had driven back there today and glad to be back to the Moorlands. I suggested that he lie down in a darkened room with a flannel over his eyes

I had a decent chat with man about 50s British new wave films. “Saturday Night Sunday Morning with Albert Finney was a favourite as was Tom Courtney from Hull in Bill Liar “ dark satanic mils I can understand but dark satanic pubs, dark satanic shops, dark chip shops” and the Alderman “ I’m rate thraiped wi it its neither mucklin or micklin. I never understand why he did not run off to London with Julie Christie

Cockneys v Zombies

I meet an elderly gent who was buying heather. He probably be fined if he took in from Morridge. It seems to be the case that he would if he nicked Spagnum Moss.

Man from Cromer. I told him that I met this very old chap who was Deputy Town Clerk aged 16 in 1917. He saw 80 ships in the harbour one day during FWW.

We spoke about Henry Blogg who has a statue in Cromer. A cox of the lifeboat who saved over 200 lives and won the George Medal twice. A great Englishman who deserves to be better known.

“That’s shallot” as the last item is scanned. Missed my comment but raved about the humble vegetable

I think that the man’s accent is Scouse but he is a Manc. Wars have been started for less

Woman buys “Cockneys v Zombies”. I thought that the words are inter changeable. Read somewhere that teens in East Ham had only 600 words in use. If true there are intelligent chimps that could probably match them

 Bill comes to 18.40 couple ask what happened in 1840? The disgraceful Opium war when we went to war with China over drugs they did not want

Man buys Cider only and lots of it. He does not appear very healthy. I often get alcoholics who come into the store very early. Their pallor is usually awful

The Dalek had an Aussie accent

Spoke to a teacher from a North Staffs school at work. She taught English and had never heard of Wordsworth

Did laugh at the reminiscence of Bernard Cribbins appearing with Peter Cushing in Dalek Invasion Earth 2150 with Cushing as Dr Who- I saw it sometime in the early 60s-both men corpsing as the lead Dalek had an Aussie accent. I recount this to sosmeone who buys Dr Who annual

 Overheard a young man in the cafe say that " She shot me 4 times in the head". I think they were talking about paint ball game, but then it was Leek.

Woman tells me that she is off to a Buddhist retreat for the weekend. Noticed that she had a bottle of whisky with her. Surely that cannot be an aid to meditation?

Told customer that the first coffee house was opened in Oxford in the 1650s by a couple of Jews. Cromwell allowed the Jews back after they had been booted out by Edward i in the 1290s because he wanted to renege on loans that had raised for him I presume for funding the building all those castles in N Wales

Man used to work at GEC Stafford recalls visit to Stone of Malenkov ex Soviet premier in 1954 and the heavies with him. He had a problem with security people after that

Village of the Damned

An interesting chat about Viking place names Thorpe and by are the give away. I told her than Danelaw border ran along A5. There are not many Danish names locally although Leek might be one

  

 Man told me that he blindfolds the kids as a game to get them to eat fruit- It seems to work.

Elderly Man wearing keffiyeh. It seems that he was in Aden in the 60s with British Army. It looks very stylish

I had Lytton Strachey look alike at the till today following Picasso weeks ago and Samuel Beckett one gloomy November night last year. All the writers come to me

Codger on Llandudno when a boy thought place full of fogeys now realises he is one.

Man making film " Escalation of Violence" Plot suggests Stokie Mad Max. role of villain is offered me. I want white cat though as prop

 Man tells me that his grand kids ask "What were Dinosaurs like"?

Woman buys gingerbread skeleton for 30 year old boy friend. She thinks he is an imbecile and not grown up. he just beams at me. I suspect she might be right

Group of blond haired boys from public school- Village of the Damned- appear at my till. Unsettling

People cram as much salad as they can into container. In one case beetroot oozed out mix with coleslaw making a pink mess

Were doing a fine line in Halloween masks. I thought Id wear one. Its perhaps an improvement and I'd fancy being a horny little devil

Like a night out in Sheffield

A Dante conversation woman says that she has Abandon hope above kitchen door. Divine Comedy being medieval is not keen on Mohammed

Have nice chat with woman on Shakespeare sonnets. Mine 29 "sweet remembered such wealth brings, I scorn to change my state with Kings"

Man sings Annie's Song. Know version which has the line " fill up me senses like a night out in Sheffield"- reference to chippy butty

Heard a JSA claimant in his 60s was suggested a job as a E bay trader by adviser- one problem he does not know how to use or own computer

. Man feels he's fighting Capitalism by buying dip at 17p." Feel I'm giving it to the man" If only Marx had deli section in Das Kapital

Discuss herring gutting with elderly man who tells me Jewish jokes, I tell him the beach, wave and Jewish hat joke- he likes

Teacher retires after 45 years. Told me that he gave lift to Rhodes Boyson of mutton chopped whiskers, flog em views and Lanky accent

Diane Abbott gone, thank God, smirking at Savile on clip of HIGNFY and saw her Regent St shopping during TUC demo last year- Never did trust her judgement

Mate sent me text that a fellow student on his IT course in Wolverhampton is a Tennessee Williams Byte of the Iguana is suggested

Publican Dave with large fish. Believe he is organising Mafia hit

There's no business like show business

Woman has pet Racoon that loves chocolate cake. I can imagine the critter with its little nose pressed against the glass of a cake shop which is steaming up

Spoke at work to a woman from Edinburgh who was holidaying in Stoke. She must want an Unrest Cure

Couple were talking about immigrants wanting to take our Christmas over and banning Xmas. I pointed out that the Winterval thing was a commercial concept to extend late year shopping from December right through to February dreamed up, I believe, by the Brummies

Target culture I had a job as a Santa at Potteries Centre. We had 90 seconds to see each kid, a manager dressed as elf in grotto timed me. She did not make a very good elf

 I remember Barrie the elderly gay with bouffant hair style who used to get in the Sun in Shelton and do Ethel Merman impersonations. he could belt them out

This New Journalism where people write articles for free seems all the rage in the Sentinel. It is also getting thinner a shopper told me that he had picked up three by mistake thinking it was one

Woman a retired psychologist studied at Mass and knew Sylvia Plath. Visited Plath’s grave in Yorkshire it kept getting vandalised by feminists who objected to Ted Hughes being on the stone

First customer bought large box of condoms and small box of Maltesers. Obviously result of a costing exercise as well as optimism

Grand Theft Otto

It’s started with vouchers encouraging people to spend more and more with Xmas 10 weeks away. Women I served was highly dubious and not interested. We will have to work on her. I am sure that there are shoppers who will probably knocking on the door on Xmas Day in a warp frenzy of consumerism

They were playing Autumn Almanac over the system. I am sure when Ray Davies penned this back in the 60s it was the aim to have it played over supermarket sound systems although on second thoughts there is a reference to roast beef so bigger queues at the butchers

Woman asks me about “ Grand Auto Theft”. I am the last person to ask. Ask me about the Central Powers and  Grand Otto Theft I would be OK. This video game involves you drinking a lot of port, reading memorandums and settling the Schweslig Holstein Question

Coffee bought lots an awful lot of Coffee in Brazil and also now in Northwich. There seems to be a shortage

Woman buys a lot of Disney DVD. My favourite film being 101 Dalmatians. I really like the illustrations

Woman badly spattered with paint buys lot of beer for helpers. I think she got the idea from Shawshank Redemption

Woman buys book “ Sunshine over the Mersey”. I have never seen it. Sunshine that is

Sharon’s Dad came past. It will 3 years since she died of Bird Flu on New Years Day. She worked here. Lovely personality and full of fun I always seemed to meet her in the Laundrette in Picton Street. Her Dad shook my hand for remembering her

Bye Bye baby

First bloke I saw today was a twitcher off to Tittesworth to do a spot of bird watching. Apparently a Red breasted Meganser has been seen locally.

Woman ignored me completely she did not even return my “good morning”

Another woman missing her home town of Berwick on Tweed and the walks by the sea. Still at war with the Russians

Woman does not like sparrow hawks as they are wiping out small birds. I saw one take a blue tit off a bird table. It was very impressive.

I am giving advice on getting rid of fleas as couple have a kitten. The Bob Martin stuff they have bought is not very good. Man says his Mother has a very bad infestation in her house in Sheffield.

Woman tells me that she is teaching Physics her placement at a school in Cheshire. It’s a Catholic school and they are taught how many angels dance on the head of a pin. have they apologised for Gallileo though.

Man nearly walks off with bag of Cat Litter. Very apologetic but hardly a crime Raffles would be interested  and no silk glove at the scene.

They are playing Bay City Rollers at one point earlier  today “Bye Bye Baby Don’t Cry”.  Enough to bring a lump to my hammer. Comforted by a young man who has never heard of them so no tartan trews or scarf waving then. Earlier when T Rex was on the sound system rather sadly woman who was at till told me that her parents banned her from listening from pop music because of it might “contaminate her”. So she missed T Rex and the parents insisted that she listen to radio 3 but she liked Classical Music still despite the indoctrination

I was discussing oatcakes at work. The general view was that the Leek oatcake was an inferior product compared with the Stoke one. An oatcake shop in High lane, Burslem was singled out for the greatest praise although I do like one in London Road, Stoke. All the people I spoke disliked the Derbyshire Oatcake- too thick was the general response

Mork and Mindy

Spoke to woman from Colorado in Leek visiting family. She was from the same town as Mork and Mindy was filmed

Suggesting to a 30 something old woman that the Telegraph was an age restricted product and that she had to be 60 before she could buy it

Spoke to bloke who talks to me about bands. I saw Frank Zappa's albums in Leek Oxfam including " Weasel's ripped my flesh". Hoxton came into the conversation and I mentioned the Krays

At work bill came to 16.88. "A good year" man says. I say" Year of Glorious Revolution, for some". " We need a revolution now", he says. " Bring back Oliver Cromwell". I point out that he banned Christmas. "True, but no mosques". he moved on but I should have said that Old Nolly was liberal on the question of Jews. 

Adrian Street the wrestler I was told "looked like a combination of Emma Bunton and a welsh coal miner"

Listening to a quartet in the store café  worried about "them" and discussing the fact that Leek is the third "whitest" place in the UK. One woman opines the coldness of the Moorlands might keep " them" away. The group give off a collective shudder at the prospect of " them" at the gates

Spoke to work colleague who says that if anyone had told him a decade ago that he needed two jobs to survive he would have laughed

The One- eyed Rumanian

A discussion on necromancy and the skills of Dr John Dee was followed a little later by an exchange with a couple of Pentacostalists who pressed a tract on me which advises that I can be washed in the blood of the Lamb. Ever likely the poor thing is looking a little peaky

A friend told me that he knew an Irish Nurse whose maxim was “Never resist the call of the stool"

Work. A discussion on how strange Biddulph Moor is. Man buys bundles of sticks for heater or is it for engage in witch burning?

Roy the former security bloke has a list of records that he hates hearing over the supermarket system. They include Lyin Eyes by Eagles, anything by Billy Joel, Christmas time by Cliff Richard, and that really annoying Hello one with the young Canadian woman with the whimpering voice. I agree with him on that one.

 The one eyed Rumanian appears with girlfriend and begins to fondle her breasts in front of me. Of course it could be his sister and Borat might be correct after all

Person buys People's Friend with picture of Scottish Highlands. I wonder what the content is like? I suppose its short on car alarms going off, helicopters pursuing youths through urban landscapes and cries of " hit him Tracey" in the night.

Work. Man moved from Droylsden to Leek. Could not be happier. " No more car alarms, no more helicopters overhead, no more shouts in the night " hit him Tracey".

Work. Sold Colliers Cheese. Pity that there are no pits left for the Colliers to eat the cheese.

My first domestic tiff for some time in front of me. The bloke big raw boned farmer type is bullying his rather timid wife. I imagine that it will be too much and that one day she will hit him with a shovel and then feed him to the pigs (As long as we don't get the bacon). It will be like a rustic Cluedo. Mrs McGregor with a shovel in the cess pit. But only you dear reader and I will know the truth

Hey Ho

Old guy with Ramones tee shirt " Hey Hey Mucho Marvey I've got a girl from Yugoslavey". Yugoslavey kaput hard to get Bosnia Herzegovina into rhyme

Woman has pet Racoon that loves chocolate cake. I can imagine the critter with its little nose pressed against the glass of a cake shop

Spoke at work to a woman from Edinburgh who was holidaying in Stoke.

Couple were talking about immigrants wanting to take our Christmas over and banning Xmas. I pointed out that the Winterval thing was a commercial concept to extend late year shopping from December right through to February dreamed up, I believe, by the Brummies

What makes lobby gay? I sometimes add pearl barley to it to thicken it up, but does it make it carefree?

Target culture I had a job once as a Santa at Potteries Centre. We had 90 seconds to see each kid, a manager dressed as elf in grotto timed me

 I remember Barrie the elderly gay with bouffant hair style who used to get in the Sun in Shelton and do Ethel Merman impersonations

She sings like a mouse in a trap

Phoebe thought that Kate Bush sang like a mouse in a trap

Served a delightful Dutch family from Leiden. It goes without saying that I found them perfect in English. Linguistically the most gifted of nations

The local paper was advertising in the jobs section for a court reporter for a post in Truro. That’s a hell of a commute.

 At work chatted to a Greek from Corfu on how perilous the situation was in Greece. Its only 40 years since the Colonels were in power.

Spoke to woman- a former nurse- who was on a limited income buying many reduced chickens. It’s what you have to do to get by when you are on a little money.

She also told me that she knew someone on 5 part time jobs

Discussed tripe with a woman from Rochdale it seems her mother used to dress it. Grace Fields was born just around the corner from her house

Like watching a Noh play

Hold box of soft fruit carefully to scan and tell man. “Have to hold it this way otherwise your plums might drop out” which doesn’t sound right.

Couple complain about the loud music. They have a point. Old guy would prefer Stan Kenton while woman musicals. Suggest Gilbert/Sullivan as compromise

I am doing a talk on Transportation for local history society. Customer thinks it’s a good idea

Child’s toy makes a sound as I scan it. It’s the first time an item has talked back.

People buy Heather if they travel a few miles they can get it for free, if that’s legal

Man spends so much time paying £9.55. He was digging deeply into his purse. “Struck a seam yet” I say.

The man at the till spends so long that it’s fascinating that’s it almost like watching a Noh play

I try a joke on the hill farmer which flies over his head I think that the joke like fire and wheel has only just arrived in the hills

Paranoid

Woman listening to “Black Sabbath” approaches till. “Paranoid”, I say adding I am not casting aspirations on her mental health

She is listening to “Masters of Reality”. Come to the wrong place I fear”

Rant against Daily Mail tho comment about unemployed wearing stars to distinguish them from Community Payback goes over head.

Work colleague agrees with me” All there is are zero contracts jobs”

Turns out she used to work for a clock makers in Longnor which went bust. Time ran out in a real and figurative sense.

Customer moving to Wales.Imagine he could buy a whole row of terraces in Blaneau Gwent for a few quid and have change for a pint and chips.

Man likes the Rudyard piece I wrote and is very congratulatory.

OAP buys Playboy body spray. “ I hope it works out for you I say”

Shut that door!

New collection of novel of B Cartland to be published. I shall lose no time in reading them I told a customer.

Man bought Daily Telegraph its very good for obituaries Barbara Cartland's was a joy a vision in pink I recall it saying

Orca big shopper bought lots of toilet rolls and fly spray. The mind boggles

Shopper complained that a fly was trapped in packet of doughnuts. I released it and  swear  I heard this little cry of " help me"

Unemployment up in West Midlands- worrying. Spoke to Mother at work whose 23 year son is forlornly looking in Stoke- only zero hours jobs the situation is desperate for some people irrespective of what people say

Had another George Formby discussion at work. Next week's lecture will be on Frank Randle. Formby and Randle the yin and yan of South Lancashire music hall- apparently they hated each other

Couple at work. Man said he was a very experienced bag packer. I asked whether he was time served and asked to see his articles- in private. I was having a Ken Dodd moment

Angry when people on "Newsnight" attack young British worker. My experience as worker in supermarket they are as hard working as anyone else.

Man asks me to go at slow pace scanning. I go at waltz pace although threaten to break out in jitterbug if required.

Man buys the following CDs, Avril Lavinge, Sugarbabes, Anderw Sisters, The Killers and George Formby.

Woman from Caverswall History Society gives me booklet on Tichboune case- a Victorian scandal. Apparently a Caverswall connection.

A woman was putting her stuff on the belt as I was speeding it through the till and said that this is just like a game show. This led to a discussion about that son of Nuneaton- Larry Grayson. The customer asked whether he was still alive. I had to break the news gently to her that he was not and was certainly saying " shut that door" every time the celestial gates were opened

Suddenly its 1974

Woman with nyarling kid and the woman is complaining about the child’s crying. I suggest that our school vouchers if rolled up make excellent ear plugs.

Beer called Alhambra I think that its excellent that a beer is named after a mosque

Woman has a leather coat which she bought locally which had a design that suggested that it was made of leaves it looked very effective

I suggest to a man who was struggling with inserting the card into the machine that it was a form of intelligent test and that he had failed

Man says that he can do his own packing. I tell him that its admirable that the spirit of resourcefulness and derring do that made the Empire is still there

Grumpy man with Led Zepplin tee shirt who I saw in the early 70s. he does not engage with me.

Woman with paint splattered hair decorating Mum’s house. She tells me of the colour scheme she is using- it suggests to me a Peruvian brothel.

The music playing over the supermarket speaker is “ Hotel California” you can check out any time you like but you can never leave”- scary.

The next one over the speaker “ Strut your funky stuff”. I doubt it

And the next one up is “ Tiger Feet” all of a sudden its 1974

William McKinley's porch

Woman from Chorley very chatty. I worked there during the 92 Election. Marvellous Mushrooms from Rivington Pike this time of year

Daily Mail has objectionable head line about workless having to work for benefit- What about all those unemployed who have worked for years and paid taxes?

My articles in the P and T are really enjoyed by a couple who send a copy to their daughter in Norwich.

I feel that my till is rather like McKinley’s porch in the 1896 Presidential Election- I can chat to the electorate about my campaign

Group of Doctors having a weekend at a house buy lots and lots of booze- looks like a Lost Weekend then

Tell couple about the elderly chap whose uncle Ivor Hirst managed Volkswagen after the War. The man wearing a Volkswagen camper van tee shirt

Tom Joad- my hero

There is a feather stuck to the side of an egg – a sign of freshness- but man is not interested it could be roughage I suggest.

Couple ask about the Ghost they saw on the moors near Flash they have told and when is it going in the papers? I have written it up.

The Roald Dahl story about murdering someone with a frozen leg of lamb and then eating the murder weapon is recalled. I told shopper the story apparently of Ken Dodd canvassing for the Tories always a danger in L’pool and being felled by leg of lamb

Shopper and I had a good chat about Scotland since her husbands death she missed the wild places. She seems lonely

Interesting chat about Graham Greene a customer was fanatical reader of the novels and also liked Hemingway. He was not a Catholic either

I said that my favourite novel was “Grapes of Wrath (Tom Joad is something of a hero) the customer had visited Steinbeck’s house

Man smashes beer- I know Pete- the bottle falls off belt when I mentioned the Hockney’s and the Christie valuation.

Psst wanna buy any nylons?

Woman wears rather attractive tee shirt showing Swallows. I asked her whether she had a particular interest in birds. “Not really”

Woman tells me that she is not used to opening her purse  much. I wondered if a moth might fly out.

Bill comes to 10.66 and I ask the small boy what happened in 1066. The answer was unexpected- the Battle of Stamford Bridge.

Wonder the boy knew about the Viking who held the bridge until a Saxon pushed a spear through the planks- they don’t like it up em

Chat about marvellous Northern Soul prog and man telling me that his favourite was Arthea Franklin.

Councillor tells me about the latest shenanigans involving the Council and the roads.

 Rude German woman wants me to hurry up and I stop myself from using the word “Blitzkrieg”- its close though.

I swipe the first Stollen of the season.

Man wants to drink Drambuie on top of the Roaches after climbing. I am sure the ghost of Don Whillans would have approved

Handing out school tokens, as we are on a Dad’s Army theme, casts me in the light of Walker “Psst want to buy some nylons?”

LSD and Vampires

A customer recounted her experience on LSD. A tune in drop out although in this case he thought she had turned into a vampire. I used to work with someone who used to drop a tab of acid whilst in the Chiselhurst Caves- a favourite mod hangout in the 60s. He spent hours looking at an orange.

At work yesterday spoke to woman from Montreal. Other woman further down the line misheard " Did she say that she was a Comedian" "No", I responded " a Canadian"

Seems Bin Laden stopped by cops for speeding in Pakistan. I suspect those videos he watched as shot by Navy Seals were old "Top Gear" progs.

At work woman said that she could not get her Lemon Tree to produce fruit. I suggested she play Music to them as suggested by the Prince of Wales. I gather Bach works well on trees.

Told Ann Charlesworth at work  the following anecdote which I read in the Michael Sandel book on " Justice" on the folly of utilitarianism and cost benefit analysis. In the 70s there were complaints that men were staying overnight at St Anne's College, Oxford. The traditionalists were appalled and decided to apply a charge after carrying out a cost/ benefit analysis of the impact of having males staying at the College. They decided to charge men 50p per night with the maximum of 3 nights stay. The Guardian heard about this and ran the headline ST ANNE'S GIRLS 50P A NIGHT!!

Sold a Goblin suet meat pudding which now comes in plastic not in the tin that you used to punch at the top otherwise the thing tended to explode as it was boiled. I wonder what the casualty rate was from the exploding ordinace as metal, suet and hot gravy flew around the kitchen? There might be a monument at the Arboretum for the fallen victims of the Goblin. 

Just a though.

Anglo Hungarian Phrase Book

Discussion on Vegemite an Australian at the till swears by it. I am not so sure.

Woman with Waitrose bag putting all our own brand stuff in the bag. I wonder who she is trying to kid?

Couple who have been Veggies for 40 years. Things are better now in terms of choice pretty dire in the 80s esp around here.

Hungarian woman absolutely charming and a change from all the glum Poles that come past me.

Hungarian told me the word for “thank you sounded like “cusinnog.

On reflection it might be a case of the English/ Hungarian phrase book in reverse.

Man tells me about work in Call Centre on the whole I prefer to work on a till.

Woman buys loaves and fishes- as a trick it’s been done before.

Bloke with Norwegian tee shirt. I try Snakker di Norsk? He does- enjoyable chat

The till breaks down a combination of spilled soda and flour. I am all white a bit like the ghost in L and H short.