No Tripe

A woman buys Bury Black Pudding and we have a discussion on offal. I ask her whether she likes tripe. She does not but tells me that she had a guest over the weekend who wanted tripe but she had lots of foodstuffs in the house but sadly no tripe.

"I" newspaper is quite popular( not as popular as Daily Mail) man says that he used to take the Guardian and gave it up because of the cost. he hated the Daily Mail and in his youth used to read the Daily Herald.  My father used to take the Guardian from the 60s when people like Neville Cardus used to write for it

Man bought £250 worth of shopping although not a record as a group of doctors bought £400 once, mainly drink, for a weekend in a house in the country. I seemed to recall offering them a biblical tract

Plastic Bag Ono Band

I open plastic bags for oldish slightly raffish looking man. He is appreciative and thanks me. For some reason John Lennon comes into the conversation . It turns out that this man  was in the same hotel in Montreal that John and Yoko had their sleep- in way back in 1969. For a minute I thought that he was going to tell me that he was in the Plastic Ono Band. I thought from bagism to plastic bagism in one easy movement

I had heard a radio item on the mystery of the Flannan Isles in the Hebrides some time ago and I was asking a woman from Ayr about Aran. I recall staying on the island for a holiday in the early 90s. The place is wonderful for wildlife which she agreed. There was a whale in the sound near Brodick

Rather sad tale of a woman who told me that her dog aged 16 had recently died. The cat wanders around the house crying like a child after his old pal. Its sound sets her off - not surprising really

Blue

It must be the time of year. man is whistling happily and tells me that its a Eddie Calvert tune. He is from Portsmouth that's the man not Eddie Calvert who was Preston. He is hard pressed to name anyone famous pop singer from Portsmouth. It turns out that Paul Jones was from Portsmouth but still hardly Rock City

It was followed a the till  by a  young man is singing. They like Joni Mitchell and they do a bit from " Blue". He gave the vinyl to her for her birthday. They were rather charming.

Discuss with woman whether men or women are better cooks. She thinks men as they tend to be more experimental. I mention the fennel missionary earlier

Is Wigan exotic?

Man buys several trees and shrubs and for a moment they tower above on the belt. For a moment I half expect to see an aye aye looking down at with the hushed tone of a Attenborough voice over

Having a footballer, as Port Vale have, with the surname Pope must be be a god send to headline writers. "Pope gets crowds blessing"  featured today. Although harder to get words like " encyclical" "conclave" or "Curia" into football related stories. Although Wolves did have a Steve " Papal" Bull who played for them.

Magazine with the improbable name of "Pick Me Up" which featured a rape, incest and violence with the Head line " Stabbed to death" does not suggest a periodical to lift the spirits

Man talk about a band called "The Pixies". I think they were west coast although cannot be sure. Man who always talks rock music to me says that it must have been great to see the Doors. Do have an excellent story about Jim Morrison's grave which I promise to tell him when we are not so busy.

Woman saw Ken Dodd and was forced to leave theatre in the early hours. She was slightly cross as he had joked about Hull. She thought it unfair but I don't. I think Hull is fair game. I once saw an article in a Manchester newspaper where someone had changed a billboard advertising a film in the East Yorkshire city to read " When Hull is full then zombies will stalk the earth"

"Life of Pi" is out on DVD. I tell woman with straight face that it was filmed on location in Wigan. She believes me. The next woman in line realises my joke says that " There is nothing exotic about Wigan". How little she knows I think parts of Standish are very bohemian

The joy of fennel

Man waxes long on the beauty of fennel and its versatility. I have never tried it although I gather it tastes of aniseed. I could be a willing convert as he told me how he was introduced to fennel by someone who put in a salad but once tasted he was trying every way to eat the thing- baked, boiled, roasted and today he was having it a risotto. He told me that the Anglo Saxons were keen on it. Anyway definetely a missionary for Foeniculum

Makem tells me going to Roker Park in his youth. I used to know a footballer who played there for Port Vale against Sunderland in a FA Cup game and was intimidated by the Roker Roar. The shopper recalled a scene when someone tried to burn down a gate whether that was to get in or out he never elaborated.

Woman buys up a lot of Cheddar because they don't have it in Brittany. She is off visiting a relative. Perfidious French.

Woman buys felt flyers which is just an update on the paper aeroplane which she will use to pacify the grand kids on holiday in Cornwall.

The Express has a headline about " Living Longer". Its either health, immigrant or weather stories. I suppose the ideal headline would combine all three "Asylum Seeker brings in deadly virus during blizzard". The Daily Mail is a far better newspaper, even though I do not agree with its politics.

Elderly couple who tell me cheerfully that they use the trolleys as "zimmer frames". They are not happy with Iain Duncan Smith and his appeal for pensioners to surrender their benefits. They are suffering, like me, from "consumption of the purse" to use Falstaff's phrase

History man

Woman has brooch which is something to do with " Game of Thrones" which I have never seen. She tells me that she loves Medieval History. It was her late father that introduced her to history and he used to take her on visits to castles, abbeys and cathedrals. Her interest stops at the Industrial Revolution. I can see her point of view. I was taken around castels, abbeys and cathedrals. I would like to be thought of in the same way by my daughter- who knows.

Woman has accent that is Scottish but also sounds Irish as well. I ask her where she is from. She is from the Outer Hebrides- her father born in Iona and her mother Mull. I have very fond memories of the islands especially Skye and meeting the great Gaelic poet Sorley McLean I wish her well  Sláinte 'bha! 

Two elderly men  I come in and I forget to give one of them their saving stamps. I joke that I will be on a fizzer. One of them used to be in the Army for several years. He thought Australia was the best place he had been to and had one or two difficult moments in N Ireland. He did 4 tours of duty in the 70s.

Someone I know who was in the audience of "Winter's Tale and knew the person who played the concertino. He is from Dorset and does not seem to have aged in the many years that she has known him. It must be something to do wit the water.

Serb woman friendly, I served her a few weeks ago. I think of a bon mot re Yugoslavia under Tito, Four countries, three religions, two alphabets and one Communist party

Charlie calls by- again

A surreal night

It started when the bloke wearing a tee shirt that had a picture of a giraffe wearing a suit came by. It was the night of the strange tee shirt. He was followed later by the man with the migraine inducing one and later by the woman with the imagining of hell by Bosch.

"Being dumped turned me into a woman" so read a headline in a magazine there were others depicting the life  of some of the more dysfunctional families in the UK. Still a long way from the headline " Woman gives birth to seven pound trout" which graced the headlines of one American magazine

Being known as the person who does the ghost walk around the town leads to people telling me ghost stories. I had two last night. man tells me of a ghost he saw whilst he was driving towards Buxton on the moorland road. The rider dressed in archaic clothing- he was wearing a cloak and a stove pipe hat- turned left up a bridal path and disappeared up the lane immediately afterwards. The man later found a book in which the story of the ghost rider appeared .. Later a woman told me of the ghostly car a white mini that was seen on the same stretch of road. The driver she told me was killed in a crash some time in the 1960s.

Then there were the mozzarella cheese's lots of them at 9p each in their own little transparent cases and filled with fluid looking like some alien about to be born. The woman who bought them agreed that it might be a case for Mulder and Scully

Shortly before we closed a heavily bearded man with his girlfriend came to the till. He was joking with her. The man had a ID badge which he hid from me but I saw that he looked a bit wild in the ID photo. " Anyone ever told  you that you look like Charlie Manson", I helpfully advised. I told him to avoid the knives section. He was enjoying it and joined in saying that he was out on day release. ( The following day I saw him at the woodland festival at Ilam, he was fiddling with an axe)

A farmer's wife was next and she asked who Charlie Manson was. I told her and she asked for an escort to her car

"I mean no disrespect"

Man asks what he can do in Wigan over a weekend. I tell him about the 1900 experience in the Pier complex which sadly is now defunct. My late friend Jim and I were caught in around 1988 in the living history section by actor pretending to be a 1900 miner who lost his Baptist preacher Dad in pit accident. We are invited to tea and ham sandwiches in Temperance Hall after the funeral in the local chapel. " I mean no disrespect" says Jim, " but I saw your father drunk outside the Collier's Arms last week". Laughter breaks within the crowd of visitors and  actor struggles after that

My hand is shaken by a man who had heard of my contribution on Radio 4 on the subject of the struggle for work for people over 50 and the reliance on part time work; agency. He had lost his job in the Highways Department of a local authority and was know struggling on infrequent work through a agency

Here's Johnny

I explain to customer the end of "Shining". Moral never build hotels on Indian burial grounds but then Jack has never been the same since "Cuckoo's Nest

Woman buys British Cookbook, No recipe for Chitterlings as far as I can and absolute nothing on Hodge- great pity

Tell couple that I am researching researching Zeppelin attack on N Staffs in 1916. Tells me of the  crew that are buried at Cannock in the German war cemetery. No choice- for the crew but burn or jump

Man tells me has pictures of Moorland Engineering which was just over the road used to make drain covers, saw one in street in Hong Kong made him proud of the engineering tradition of the area which is much depleted now 

Telegraph reader repeat the view to young woman that its an age restricted product and that you have to be 60 in order to buy it

What happens when you accept the lowest tender

Lengthy discussion on canning. Man had seen a recent documentary on Pepsi canning plant. I mentioned the Franklin expedition to the North Pole in 1845 which was undone by the Admiralty accepting the lowest tender for the tinned food contract. Tragically the solder used had high lead content and some of the crew died of lead poisoning

Was at work before 8am. "Felt like a shattered spider crab washed up on the tarry shingle of the morning", a quote that I give to an amused shopper. He also liked the other bit of the quote he felt that he had been on a cross country run and expertly beaten up by the secret police. He liked the use of the word... "expertly" in that context. Said that he would read Lucky Jim

 Scot- its a give away as he buys lots of cans of iron bru. He is from Ayrshire and now lives on the Isle of Man where iron bru cannot be bought seemingly.  A friend who was behind doubts his Caledonian roots as the man has bought fruit and vegetables. He was under the impression that a Scottish salad was a bowl of chips

 Man has puppy costing £400- a cocker spaniel pup called Blue. What's the song with the line about a dog called blue? The name eluded me

Is Sonia a celebrity?

Woman from Sneyd Green. I am told that there was a shop on the estate in the 1980s that used to sell cigarettes and a match for the cash strapped residents of the area. And then there was Chungies the Chinese " My mate Greg used to do a song to the tune of "Prince Charming" which had the refrain " public health is nothing to be scared of" in relation to the takeaway

They were giving the Manchester Evening News away for nothing yesterday. I wonder if the Sentinel will go the same way. Spoke to woman who had given up on the Sentinel and certainly its circulation has fallen over two decades as have all newspapers.

Woman born in 1926 recalls her bullying teacher a man called Perkins who was keen to use the cane and belting people around the head. Its not so long ago. A teacher at the Primary school I went  in the 60sto was named appropriately enough Mr Birch. Another person I knew went to a Christian Brother school in the Scottish Borders. The head of pastoral care was named " Brother Discipline" and pushed around a small boy named Hornby who retaliated by producing a revolver from his satchel and firing the prelate. He missed.

We were chatting about celebrities. I tend to walk the other way when one hoves into view. A customer had nice things to say about Collette Rooney she saw her at a Cheshire Garden Centre as  although she told me of a bad experience concerning  a friend a decorator who worked on Cheryl Cole's friends house. The singer took exception to the way in which he spoke to her and had  dismissed him on the spot- so I was told. Cathy did see Sonia coming out of an Asda in Bromborough- but then does she count as a celebrity?

Sweet Fanny Adams

It is curious what some people say. This morning I chat with someone who likes to do puzzles because he believes that they ward of dementia. he cites the case of a neighbour who developed Alzheimer's by going to Scarborough at least that's what he told me. A sad tale he told me that the man mistook his reflection in the mirror for a stranger.

Woman buys rolling pin- the favoured side arm of the domineering wife in 60s sit com as played by Peggy Mount. I mention this to woman. "My husband knows who does the discipline in our house" , she says " Too much information, I feel

Man from Preston. I used to know someone from Preston who used the word "not" in sentences when he was posing a question. "Do you not want a pint", "Is Les not in", Are you not going into town", etc. The man from Preston confirms that it is a Preston thing which answers something that has been bugging me for ages.

Couple from Alton. I asked them is that where Sweet Fanny Adams was from. Its the name of a child that was murdered in the 19th century particularly brutally. Sailors from nearby Portsmouth took up the refrain of " Sweet Fanny Adams" and the thing has just stuck

Alpine Climbers

 Man with sweatshirt with the words" Ah mon genoux" explains that he damaged his knee whilst climbing two years ago in the French Alps. It was near a shierak and he explains what exactly one is- an ice overhang. Strangely this is the second time I have heard this word. I heard this word sometime ago on Radio 4 on a discussion on a terrible accident on K2 when several climbers were killed when a shierak gave way

 Woman wants me to check her empty bags. I have never done this and will not I am a trusting soul. She says she had to do this when she shopped in the States. She lived in Glastonbury, Connecticut for several years and this is what they did. Do they think all shoppers are thieves in New England ?

Strong beer bought by man. Beer bought by JW Lees of Manchester. 7.8 proof very much a case of Goodnight Vienna if you drink too much of this or at the very least Goodnight Crumpsall, I recall seeing a 19th century photo of a man being carried out of a Manchester pub with the caption " the fastest way out of Manchester"

Alan Ladd

A young man about 8 with impeccable manners calls me sir and asks me to stop while his mother gets something. From his manners he looked like Oliver asking for more.  Contrast that with the elderly Welsh couple who asked me directions or rather barked "Slimma" at me looking for the factory shop. If I had been sharper I should have said I do exercise as much as I can

 An elderly woman and I have a Stoke City conversation. We both think that they will escape the drop. I rather regret an occasion in around 1991 when I saw Tony Waddington the old manager alone on a Crewe train. I should have spoken to him and said how much I admired his team but I would always be wondering if I was bothering people. Still I ought to have said something, he looked very forlorn

Couple buy root beer or saspirilla, a stock item in the bars of the Old West. Usually the baddie makes fatal error by assuming that the Alan Ladd character is a sissy for drinking saspirilla. The ensuing gun fight proves him wrong and the bar is full of bodies. I tell the couple that I will see them back at the ranch and thank them for allowing to me to relive the tales of the Old West

Shake and Vac

Scottish woman apparently a big cheese in the Soroptimists. I innocently ask about differences between the Soroptimists and the WI. It was a case of the People's  Front for the Liberation of Judea versus Judean People's Liberation Front. She got a bit annoyed at my ignorance. Now I know

 It has come to this- the blue toilet blocks. Reminded me of a cartoon that was in a York University Rag Mag circa 1977. Dazed student surrounded by bits of broken toilet. Voice off. "No Rudi I said smash the system"

 Shake and Vac now. An actor I once knew Tony Benson who appeared in a Shake and Vac advert once in the 80s. A long way from staring with Richard Burton in the 50s. Tony was also in Corrie as a tram driver and also as a solicitor as well although not at the same time. Silly sod did not think you could get AIDS after 50. Tragically he was proved wrong.

 I am on air fresheners now and one is called Egyptian Mystique. I am in Tony Hancock mode " Are they stark raving mad! Have any of them been in Cairo in July?

The nice Kaffe Fassett cardy

 We discuss gin and I mention that it was invented by a Dutchman in the 1560s looking for a cure for stomach problems. Unfortunately with too much gin it ceases being a stomach problem and becomes a liver problem.

 Man tells me about his grandfather living in Consall Forge in remote cottage with no road. He was a Railway man. He also fathered 14 children. That's what happens when you have poor TV reception.

 A bottle cider has had enough and plunges to destruction to the floor. I clean it up but there is a heavy smell of cider. What will they say at the Baptist meeting I am going to this later

Have a discussion on birds as woman buys garden ornament with picture of Robin. Once saw sparrow hawk take robin off a bird table at Ynis Hir. Woosh and then gone. Woman had nice Kaffe Fassett cardy on as well

People's Friend?

Man ( he looked like Philip Larkin/John Christie the strangler) very annoyed as we were delayed because woman in front credit card was playing up. I could feel the heat of the resentment and anger- it sometimes happens.

What's People's Friend like? I wouldn't think it would be to much down these dark streets a man must go especially when the story is set in Totnes Cannot see too many slasher stories in it and the front cover is never Ladywood or Lasells.

 I  am threatened at the till. Old Woman snarls after she has been delayed. "I know a friend of yours. I was on the phone to him night". I would have thought it would have been hard to be a capo di capo in Devon. I would have been even more impressed if the name was Gambino rather than Williams- from a friend of Italian Opera

Things quiten time and I have a great chat with bloke about the Office. is there a David Brent in every workplace in the country? We both thought so

 Woman buys multiple grappes of garlic. A bad case of vampirism in the area it seems.