There's no business like show business

Woman has pet Racoon that loves chocolate cake. I can imagine the critter with its little nose pressed against the glass of a cake shop which is steaming up

Spoke at work to a woman from Edinburgh who was holidaying in Stoke. She must want an Unrest Cure

Couple were talking about immigrants wanting to take our Christmas over and banning Xmas. I pointed out that the Winterval thing was a commercial concept to extend late year shopping from December right through to February dreamed up, I believe, by the Brummies

Target culture I had a job as a Santa at Potteries Centre. We had 90 seconds to see each kid, a manager dressed as elf in grotto timed me. She did not make a very good elf

 I remember Barrie the elderly gay with bouffant hair style who used to get in the Sun in Shelton and do Ethel Merman impersonations. he could belt them out

This New Journalism where people write articles for free seems all the rage in the Sentinel. It is also getting thinner a shopper told me that he had picked up three by mistake thinking it was one

Woman a retired psychologist studied at Mass and knew Sylvia Plath. Visited Plath’s grave in Yorkshire it kept getting vandalised by feminists who objected to Ted Hughes being on the stone

First customer bought large box of condoms and small box of Maltesers. Obviously result of a costing exercise as well as optimism

Grand Theft Otto

It’s started with vouchers encouraging people to spend more and more with Xmas 10 weeks away. Women I served was highly dubious and not interested. We will have to work on her. I am sure that there are shoppers who will probably knocking on the door on Xmas Day in a warp frenzy of consumerism

They were playing Autumn Almanac over the system. I am sure when Ray Davies penned this back in the 60s it was the aim to have it played over supermarket sound systems although on second thoughts there is a reference to roast beef so bigger queues at the butchers

Woman asks me about “ Grand Auto Theft”. I am the last person to ask. Ask me about the Central Powers and  Grand Otto Theft I would be OK. This video game involves you drinking a lot of port, reading memorandums and settling the Schweslig Holstein Question

Coffee bought lots an awful lot of Coffee in Brazil and also now in Northwich. There seems to be a shortage

Woman buys a lot of Disney DVD. My favourite film being 101 Dalmatians. I really like the illustrations

Woman badly spattered with paint buys lot of beer for helpers. I think she got the idea from Shawshank Redemption

Woman buys book “ Sunshine over the Mersey”. I have never seen it. Sunshine that is

Sharon’s Dad came past. It will 3 years since she died of Bird Flu on New Years Day. She worked here. Lovely personality and full of fun I always seemed to meet her in the Laundrette in Picton Street. Her Dad shook my hand for remembering her

Bye Bye baby

First bloke I saw today was a twitcher off to Tittesworth to do a spot of bird watching. Apparently a Red breasted Meganser has been seen locally.

Woman ignored me completely she did not even return my “good morning”

Another woman missing her home town of Berwick on Tweed and the walks by the sea. Still at war with the Russians

Woman does not like sparrow hawks as they are wiping out small birds. I saw one take a blue tit off a bird table. It was very impressive.

I am giving advice on getting rid of fleas as couple have a kitten. The Bob Martin stuff they have bought is not very good. Man says his Mother has a very bad infestation in her house in Sheffield.

Woman tells me that she is teaching Physics her placement at a school in Cheshire. It’s a Catholic school and they are taught how many angels dance on the head of a pin. have they apologised for Gallileo though.

Man nearly walks off with bag of Cat Litter. Very apologetic but hardly a crime Raffles would be interested  and no silk glove at the scene.

They are playing Bay City Rollers at one point earlier  today “Bye Bye Baby Don’t Cry”.  Enough to bring a lump to my hammer. Comforted by a young man who has never heard of them so no tartan trews or scarf waving then. Earlier when T Rex was on the sound system rather sadly woman who was at till told me that her parents banned her from listening from pop music because of it might “contaminate her”. So she missed T Rex and the parents insisted that she listen to radio 3 but she liked Classical Music still despite the indoctrination

I was discussing oatcakes at work. The general view was that the Leek oatcake was an inferior product compared with the Stoke one. An oatcake shop in High lane, Burslem was singled out for the greatest praise although I do like one in London Road, Stoke. All the people I spoke disliked the Derbyshire Oatcake- too thick was the general response

Mork and Mindy

Spoke to woman from Colorado in Leek visiting family. She was from the same town as Mork and Mindy was filmed

Suggesting to a 30 something old woman that the Telegraph was an age restricted product and that she had to be 60 before she could buy it

Spoke to bloke who talks to me about bands. I saw Frank Zappa's albums in Leek Oxfam including " Weasel's ripped my flesh". Hoxton came into the conversation and I mentioned the Krays

At work bill came to 16.88. "A good year" man says. I say" Year of Glorious Revolution, for some". " We need a revolution now", he says. " Bring back Oliver Cromwell". I point out that he banned Christmas. "True, but no mosques". he moved on but I should have said that Old Nolly was liberal on the question of Jews. 

Adrian Street the wrestler I was told "looked like a combination of Emma Bunton and a welsh coal miner"

Listening to a quartet in the store café  worried about "them" and discussing the fact that Leek is the third "whitest" place in the UK. One woman opines the coldness of the Moorlands might keep " them" away. The group give off a collective shudder at the prospect of " them" at the gates

Spoke to work colleague who says that if anyone had told him a decade ago that he needed two jobs to survive he would have laughed

The One- eyed Rumanian

A discussion on necromancy and the skills of Dr John Dee was followed a little later by an exchange with a couple of Pentacostalists who pressed a tract on me which advises that I can be washed in the blood of the Lamb. Ever likely the poor thing is looking a little peaky

A friend told me that he knew an Irish Nurse whose maxim was “Never resist the call of the stool"

Work. A discussion on how strange Biddulph Moor is. Man buys bundles of sticks for heater or is it for engage in witch burning?

Roy the former security bloke has a list of records that he hates hearing over the supermarket system. They include Lyin Eyes by Eagles, anything by Billy Joel, Christmas time by Cliff Richard, and that really annoying Hello one with the young Canadian woman with the whimpering voice. I agree with him on that one.

 The one eyed Rumanian appears with girlfriend and begins to fondle her breasts in front of me. Of course it could be his sister and Borat might be correct after all

Person buys People's Friend with picture of Scottish Highlands. I wonder what the content is like? I suppose its short on car alarms going off, helicopters pursuing youths through urban landscapes and cries of " hit him Tracey" in the night.

Work. Man moved from Droylsden to Leek. Could not be happier. " No more car alarms, no more helicopters overhead, no more shouts in the night " hit him Tracey".

Work. Sold Colliers Cheese. Pity that there are no pits left for the Colliers to eat the cheese.

My first domestic tiff for some time in front of me. The bloke big raw boned farmer type is bullying his rather timid wife. I imagine that it will be too much and that one day she will hit him with a shovel and then feed him to the pigs (As long as we don't get the bacon). It will be like a rustic Cluedo. Mrs McGregor with a shovel in the cess pit. But only you dear reader and I will know the truth

Hey Ho

Old guy with Ramones tee shirt " Hey Hey Mucho Marvey I've got a girl from Yugoslavey". Yugoslavey kaput hard to get Bosnia Herzegovina into rhyme

Woman has pet Racoon that loves chocolate cake. I can imagine the critter with its little nose pressed against the glass of a cake shop

Spoke at work to a woman from Edinburgh who was holidaying in Stoke.

Couple were talking about immigrants wanting to take our Christmas over and banning Xmas. I pointed out that the Winterval thing was a commercial concept to extend late year shopping from December right through to February dreamed up, I believe, by the Brummies

What makes lobby gay? I sometimes add pearl barley to it to thicken it up, but does it make it carefree?

Target culture I had a job once as a Santa at Potteries Centre. We had 90 seconds to see each kid, a manager dressed as elf in grotto timed me

 I remember Barrie the elderly gay with bouffant hair style who used to get in the Sun in Shelton and do Ethel Merman impersonations

She sings like a mouse in a trap

Phoebe thought that Kate Bush sang like a mouse in a trap

Served a delightful Dutch family from Leiden. It goes without saying that I found them perfect in English. Linguistically the most gifted of nations

The local paper was advertising in the jobs section for a court reporter for a post in Truro. That’s a hell of a commute.

 At work chatted to a Greek from Corfu on how perilous the situation was in Greece. Its only 40 years since the Colonels were in power.

Spoke to woman- a former nurse- who was on a limited income buying many reduced chickens. It’s what you have to do to get by when you are on a little money.

She also told me that she knew someone on 5 part time jobs

Discussed tripe with a woman from Rochdale it seems her mother used to dress it. Grace Fields was born just around the corner from her house