The man who looked liked Rob Wilton: 5th September 2011

TfTT 493. Received info from company on how to talk to customers. Decide to put it to the test. Man enjoys reading books about warfare esp the SAS.

TfTT 494 Guardian reading woman likes Guardian Crosswords although does not like Charlie Brooker.

TfTT 495 Woman buys lots of noodles for teenage sons- They won’t eat anything else. Feel that there might be a vitamin deficiency issue.

TfTT 496 Woman tells me that her husband is a security adviser in Iraq and how dangerous it was.

TfTT 497 Man did not see England game as it was on Sky and it was too expensive to get now.

TfTT 498 Man buys catfood and tells me that cat is very choosy.

TfTT 499. Man wearing Foxfield Sweatshirt. A volunteer who works at weekend.

TfTT 500 Cheerful East Enders from Poplar on holiday in area. Know the “Blind Beggar” in Whitechapel. Kray Brothers territory. Know it myself but have never drank with Ronnie or Reggie.

TfTT 501Man is pickling his own beetroot.

TfTT 502 Man buys Tripe. he has been eating it for 54 years. He likes Haslett as well

TfTT 503 Mention person that I know who has grown the countries most northerly fig.

TfTT 504 Couple buy luggage tags as they are off for holiday in Spain.

TfTT 505 Woman buys dogfood for her rescued dog. It’s a whippet although she has had many dogs that have been rescued.

TfTT 506 Nicely package Border biscuits that woman has brought for early Xmas present.

TfTT 507 Show judgement of Solomon by giving exact number of school vouchers to two children.

TfTT 508 Man like I newspaper and prefers it to Telegraph.

TfTT 509 Woman with Jamaica top she is from the island and goes back to visit her family every three years.

TfTT 510 Man with Chatsworth bag. He loves the house especially the grounds and the farm. I agree it’s probably the best kid areas play area around.

TfTt 511 First day at school tomorrow for small boy. He’s excited at the prospect.

TfTt 512 Man buys many bottles of Ruddles. Its cheap a £1 a bottle. I had a mate who suggested “ Make puddles with Ruddles” as slogan the brewery were not interested.

TfTT 513 Why Tiger bread? A question that perplexes a customer and I.

TfTt 514 Man like Lloyd Grossman sauces but could not stand the bloke. It’s the accent. I agree.

TfTT 515 My former French teacher comes through. He still walks 5 miles a day and likes walking around Rudyard Lake.

TfTT 516 Family from Bakewell who think that market is going down hill.

TFtt 517 Another small child excited at going to school for the first time
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TfTT 518 Man with Manchester accent still very strong. He had worked as an engineer in Basel for 8 years and still kept it. Cannot take Manchester out of a person, he says
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TfTT 519 Woman studying reflexology and really enjoying it.

TfTt 520 Man comments on my Mastermind appearance and asks me if I am having another go. Perhaps I say.

TfTT 521 Woman from Brown Edge. I ask about the previous vicar with the very long beard. Makes him look like Rasputin she say. I hope not for the people of Brown Edge sake..

TfTt 522 Woman buys shower curtain. I mention Psycho. She looks a bit worried. I mention the letter that Hichcock comment about receiving a letter from a woman whose daughter would not bathe or shower after seeing Psycho and the French film Les Diables.

TfTT 523. Woman tells me that that she saw Jimmi Hendrix in Hanley in 1967 and Manfred Man in Buxton as well as others. I say that she must have been a groovy chick

TfTt 524 Man misses whisky and cannot afford. Also misses cigarettes. “ Wing us a woodie over the wow wut" I say.

TfTT 525 Parents complain about the expense of holidays.

TfTT 526 Man buys a egg poacher. Looks like Rob Wilton.

Roobarb and Custard- Tales from the Till

I do Sybil impression when Basil comes past me. Chance to do one liners from F Towers

 Woman buys Rhubarb and Custard Sweets. I do the tune. She looks at me blankly. Same with person ignorant of Basil Fawlty 

People ignorant of Basil Fawlty and Rhubarb and Custard 70s cultural icons both. Dumbing down I think

Young couple have great grand dad who is 100. He was in the Navy during the War. Tell them they ought to write his life

Almonds. I am told that they smell like strychnine I tell a shopper. A friend of mine who is a doctor once saw a copy of the medical Tripos for Cambridge for 1911 in a second hand book shop. She told me that it was broadly similar to the one she took although perhaps not the same reliance on strychnine. On the question of almonds there is a 16th century expression “feeding almonds to the parrot" which means bribing officials, if press reports and police investigations are to be believed it seems to go on with some officers in an authority not too far from Leek.

The refugee

A day off work which I spent partly in Hanley researching Ruth Schmerler the victim in the 1944 unsolved Cheadle murder. The Sentinel of 30^th September 1944 had lots of detail including a photograph of a very attractive young dark haired woman. She left Poland in 1939 and went to live with a Children’s Home for Jewish children in Manchester. She had a brother called Kurt who was working as an optician’s assistant in Manchester. She was a Land Army girl in 1944 working gathering the fruit crop in Worcestershire. A lorry driver gave her lift to the outskirt of Birmingham where a British soldier gave her a lift. Her body was discovered at a quarry at Counslow near Cheadle. Her suitcase was discovered at Shap Fell 140 miles away. The local police took the matter very seriously and in the search for the first time mine dictators were used in the search of the weapon. She seemed to be very popular. Anyway I will have more information forth coming from Hanley Library.

I had a chat with Fred Hughes in Café Nero in Hanley wide raging and enjoyable as ever. A man walked in who I recognise. It was Hendrik Staut who I knew from Johnson and Slater in the early 70s. It was a pottery that made shower trays amongst other things. We reminisced about  people long dead. Tom Wilding the middle aged accountant who spent every holiday in the Northern Isles. Mike Hall the salesman who thought that the South Africans were misunderstood- it was the Apartheid era. The owner Mr Mayland who had an interesting war and was one of the first British Officers in Vienna. His son Master John as we had to call him educated at Stowe who wore a cravat, trilby and carnation. The production manager who we could not name but was Jewish and also wore a carnation. John Walley the first gay I ever met who did rather strange things with a carrot one lunch time. Dave Farn who I still keep in contact and Bob Gibbs who knew someone who Kubrick recruited to blow perfect smoke rings which were used in 2001 and Terry O’Donnell who I had a strong influence on me. I can see him now a Londoner he always smoked Hamlet cigars and was a real Renaissance man. He loved reading and music- Beethoven was a hero. He was a Socialist. Those chats we had were the equivalent of an Oxford tutorial. I gather he died a few years ago.

Another Renaissance man is Charley who bought me another coffee in the Foxlowe. I was telling him about the Ruth Schmerler. A keen Mathematician Charley was telling me about the God equation which set me up nicely to sit in Phoebe’s Maths class. The adults did a Level 3 multiplication test. I did my 25 questions and got them all correct in 2.12. Cannot beat learning your tables by rote 

A little of what you fancy does you good

For some reason Marie Lloyd popped into my head as a customer was telling me about her favourite chocolate- a guilty pleasure. “A little of what you fancy does you good”

Talking about “Strictly Come Dancing” which both Cathy and Phoebe liked. I was asked who I thought would win. I plucked a name out of the air and said “Sophie”. The couple did not watch “X Factor” and neither do I “It’s like watching the inmates of Bedlam”

The Farmer and I had a laugh about the “Daily Express” and its absurd headlines this one was on the weather. High winds are about to hit the country apparently. Its either weather, Lady Di , ailments or immigrants. The trick will be to combine all elements in one headlines. She used to take the Guardian and reminisced about some of the great writers of the past like Norman Shrapnel, Terry Coleman and Alistair Cook. Its not so good now too many North London types write for it. I could not disagree. A Guardian reading Farmer eh I wonder if there are any Telegraph reading social workers?

Talk to Australian woman about how shopping and especially variety of vegetables have changed since the 70s. I recall the first courgettes and aubergines being sold to bemused customers at that time. The other anecdote I can remember is someone at University telling me that aubergines made his dog a Boxer to fart

Dexy Midnight Runners are giving it sum as “ Geno” is belting out at the store. Reminded me of the Top rank in Hanley and a misplaced youth  We talked about the recent documentary on Northern Soul and what a good job that Paul Mason did but he is a Wiganer.

Woman who farms in Dovedale was telling me of the difficulty that locals have in buying houses even with the “ Local buy” policy. The last two bedroom in Ilam went for over 200k. Not surprising when social housing was decimated by the right to buy policy. People living on low wages in the Peak are in a dilemma 

Les Garcons de la Plage

Lot of news comment about waste and the amount of food dumped. Tesco say 30,000 tons of food is dumped into landfill. I am sure the situation will worsen as we approach Xmas. Shameful given all the want in the world.

I am better informed about Oregon by my Canadian friend Gary who tells me that the State Capital is Eugene and not Portland as I thought, I think we had a dispute with the Americans over the 48^th Parallel in the 1840s. Big Foot is the only other thing I know about Oregon.

I am able to try out my newly acquired knowledge that Simeon the First was voted the 4^th most famous Bulgarian with a Bulgarian shopper. For the sake of diplomacy I did not mention Boris the Bulgar slayer.

Rather forceful opinions expressed by shopper at the American rebels on 1776 as revolting against their anointed king and by rights they should have been hanged. A bit harsh on Ben Franklin and Thomas Jefferson and unforgiving given that its over 200 years ago

Never fall out with some one with pottery skills. I recall how a mediation problem with family in N Staffs. A rather bumptious man with Fox Terrier fell out with young couple. The woman was a potter and did a figure of the man complete with cap and pipe and one of the dog with its head buried in the groin of their snotty neighbour.

They are playing “ help me Ronda” or should that be help me Rhondda y Les Garcons de la Plages over the sound system.

Lithuanians and Latts do it

I always bridle at people who say that I look bored. I am never bored because I can use my imagination. Bloke came up to the till and said that to me. I don’t think there is any malice involved. Anyway I say “Actually I am in Bermuda on the beach enjoying a pina colada would you like to join me” He laughs. Works every time.

Nice chat about birding with woman. Migration time and she has seen lots of birds arriving  ( Perhaps best not to tell the Tories ). I used to do some voluntary work with the RSPB at Titchwell on the Norfolk coast. There is a technique for counting the mass numbers of waders which I have forgotten. Still there was the Italian I worked with nice lad but a little mad who mistook a black bin liner for a rare bird. He also fell into the marsh and before he sank was careful to throw his fags onto a dry bank. He had his priorities

We were selling Port by the box. I feel it should have the warning “could cause gout” on the package.

Man who has a son in his 30s who is living with his parents. The father complained that he was getting up late and  from what he had to say his son behaves like a teenager, he is noisy. The son cannot afford to get on the property ladder. It must be a trial for all concerned. The older man did not look very happy.

The Latvian who I have struck up something of a friendship. She is a Russian from somewhere in the Urals and moved to the Baltic State when she was young. The Russian she says are having it difficult since independence from the majority Lats.

Woman complaining about the latest price hike in energy costs. I sometimes feel that we should take a leaf out of how people in the 18^th century with the Food Riot. There was a particularly intense one in the 1760s in and around Burslem. It usually worked as bread prices were regulated following such incidents. Hobsbawm the Marxist Historian used to refer to these as examples of “collective bargaining by riot” better than wearing a jumper methinks

Mrs Slocombe and Captain Peacock

Talking to a shopper about the need for a National Rationalist Day just to counter Halloween. I think it would be a good idea

The woman gave me £120 for her shopping. I asked her whether she wanted it on the black. It was an attempt at a joke that foundered

Spoke to woman about Academies in Stoke. She had no issues about it although the same company are running another school in the City. We chatted about the new Shadow Education Secretary. The woman was not impressed at the wobble that he has shown over Free Schools.

I wonder why the shape of Mateus bottles?. I recall having to draw the shape of the bottle for an art class. Given my daughters current issues with the school, I reflect on the cynical so and so Art teacher at Carmount  Richardson who screwed up my drawing when I was 11 and threw into a bin to the amusement of the other kids. Fortunately the buffoon did not destroy my interest in Art

I witnessed a domestic tiff in front of my till. There is some muttering and hissed comment over alleged unwarranted purchases in this case washing capsules. I was with the man as the woman seemed to be in advanced faffing mode I recall a similar annoyance between a couple in Northallerton one New Years Eve in the 90s at a B and B. The woman I was with thought that they looked like Mrs Slocombe and Captain Peacock.

I mention a relative who had been stung and someone had helped themselves to the account in West Africa. The woman I had spoke had something similar happen to her father whose account was accessed by people in Albania.

I mention to a woman the story I intend to write about the young Polish Jewish woman who was found murdered near Cheadle in 1944. The murder was unsolved. The shopper thought it an interesting and worthy project

 Man buys a lot of water-16 flagons of the stuff. It’s a long story but it’s about a borehole at a new house in the hills that has not been passed fit for human consumption and there are guests expected over the weekend.